Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek at what your friends and neighbors are doing behind doors left slightly ajar. Today, the Very Busy, Very Horny Single Mother of Two: 35, female, West Harlem, straight, single.
DAY ONE
4:30 a.m.: Alarm goes off. I stumble out of bed and nearly kill myself tripping over a toy on the floor. Ugh, my head hurts with the onset of a head cold. I fall back asleep
6 a.m.: OMG, I am going to be late getting my two sleeping children awake and off to school. I fell asleep last night quite horny after thinking about the hot sex my boyfriend and I had this past weekend … okay, stop thinking about it and get ready.
9 a.m.: Sent my boyfriend a dirty text, wishing him a good day, waiting for his dirty reply. I have now had four cups of coffee trying to rid myself of my horrible headache. Why this week?
4 p.m.: I get off work a little early owing to the fact my head is pounding and I still have to pick my kids up from school. Feeling really under the weather.
DAY TWO
6 a.m.: Up and getting kids ready for school. I am contemplating when I will have time to use my vibrator during the day. Decide not to bring it to work.
8 a.m.: Get text from a guy I met at a race I attended the past weekend. He wants to have coffee. I already told him I had a boyfriend and the only reason I shared my number is he wanted info about the kids’ races so he could place his children in them also. Crap, now I have a stalker!
10:48 a.m.: Send my BF a text telling him how much I miss him and will have to revert to using my toys tonight to ward off my sexual urges.
11:57 a.m.: My boyfriend calls to say that he has today off. What am I doing later? Dirty visions of us naked and stroking one another start to make me feel really hot and bothered. I step outside the office to finish my dirty phone foreplay with him. I feel like I am going to burst … ticktock, just a few more hours till playtime.
2:30 p.m.: I have to complete some drafting so I am not be able to meet him at his place. I text him to meet me at my place one hour before I am due to pick up my kids.
5:02 p.m.: Taking a shower, masturbating while waiting for him to arrive was driving me wild. My $30 vibrator was the best investment. I get a text from him that he will be a few minutes late … okay, calm down and save all the fun of an orgasm for him.
5:38 p.m.: My doorbell rings, and he is standing there looking hot. We have approximately seventeen minutes before I have to pick my kids up. We waste no time getting naked and into a really good rhythm of foreplay and fulfillment … done in 8.5 minutes and still have time to get dressed properly.
9:48 p.m.: Kids are in bed asleep, and we are groping one another in my hall as I lead him to the door to say good night. He gives me that “I wanna fuck you” look, but we both know it will have to wait until I see him again at his place this coming weekend.
DAY THREE
5:30 a.m.: I wake with a grin and a headache. I had amazing sex and foreplay last night, so I am good to go, no matter how bad my head hurts.
9:30 a.m.: I write my BF and nice yet naughty e-mail, detailing our positions from our sex appointment yesterday. This is giving me sensation between my legs. Crap, I should have brought my vibrator along today.
2:30 p.m.: Receive a call from the school again. Four year-old threw a block and hit his friend, giving him a black eye. I have to get off early to pick him up. Oh, boy, this is going to be a long night, with no vibrator time for me.
8:45 p.m.: Text my boyfriend a really dirty thought. I am slightly aroused but too tired to even think about masturbating, I can hear the snoring from the other room as I drift off to sleep.
DAY FOUR
7:30 a.m.: The week is nearly over, and my weekend of sex is approaching. Kids are in a great mood because they know they can sleep in in the morning.
10 a.m.: The stalker dude just texted me again. “Can we meet for coffee? Call me tonight.” I am so going to let him know AGAIN that I have a boyfriend, and to stop using his kids to get chicks’ numbers. Ugh!
1 p.m.: My boyfriend calls to find out our weekend plans. I have to arrange for a sitter. He says a few very naughty things to me over the phone which caused me to turn crimson. People in my office are staring. CRAP! Can I just disappear?
6 p.m.: I settle in at home, getting all my mommy duties done so I can have some alone time with my Pocket Rocket later.
9 p.m.: Kids asleep … check. Vibrator in hand … check. Good to go!
9:08 p.m.: In the process of feeling the mighty OMG coming on, I experience every woman’s nightmare, DBS (Dead Battery Syndrome). NO NO NO!!!!!! Frustrated and hating my vibrator. I finish with hands.
DAY FIVE
9 a.m.: Yes! A day to just chill. Nowhere to be in a hurry. Take a long shower and attempt to arouse myself, but that is quickly disrupted by my daughter banging on the bathroom door because she needs to use the toilet. The life of a single parent.
2 p.m.: Call my boyfriend to dirty-talk with him. Only about 24 hours before I will be naked and wild in bed with him once again … sigh!
7:30 p.m.: I am so wiped out from running all over town with my kids. I bought new batteries. My bed is like a huge suction-cup of slumber. Can … not … get … up.
DAY SIX
7 a.m.: Oh, no, I jump out of bed realizing my kids and I have a race to attend in less than one hour.
1 p.m.: Tired and needing sex soon, I take my kids to the park to tire them out for the sitter. We had a great family day — ran a race, baked cookies, played at park. Now come on, people! MOM NEEDS HER PLAYDATE!
3:50 p.m.: Scrambling to get all my stuff together for my once-a-week sleepover at my boyfriend’s house. Tiny thong underwear cling to my ass, reminding me that bliss is soon to come. My kids are protesting as usual, “It’s not fair for you to have a life!” Just kidding, that was my interpretation of their protesting.
4:40 p.m.: I ring his doorbell and am very happy to see him on other side of the door. We kiss, but not the way I would like because his roommate is home. We decide to go have an early dinner instead of getting naked right away. Okay, I can hold off another few hours … right?
5:50 p.m.: We walk around the West Village while waiting for a table to open. He kisses me passionately. This, of course, stimulates the yearning between my legs. I reach over and whisper that he should stop or I might embarrass us both by ripping his clothes off in the street.
7:30 p.m.: We have a wonderful meal, as we walk out the door he tells me he is ready to have me naked and wild in his bed now. With no hesitation, I hail a cab.
7:48 p.m.: His roommate is gone so I can actually be very vocal in my bedroom matter. NICE. We start by racing to see who gets our clothes off first. We are both so hungry for this that there is little foreplay. Intense and hard … amazing, we both lie there sweating from the physical exertion.
9:20 p.m.: We are well into an hour of the movie we are watching when my boyfriend starts teasing me with his fingers, then kissing, and we are at it again like wild beasts. Ahhh, pent-up sex is being unleashed.
11 p.m.: I whisper good night…
DAY SEVEN
5:30 a.m.: I have to make sure to get to the school to meet my kids so they do not start their week off with a bad vibe. I jump in the shower and then lie there next to him for another 30 minutes.
7 a.m.: Out the door, kissing him good-bye, and off to see my two children to school. I am happy, sexually fulfilled, and ready to start another hellish week as a single parent in the Big Apple.
2 p.m.: I e-mail my boyfriend a very descriptive and semi-pornographic letter.
6 p.m.: The week before has caught up with me. I am tired and exhausted … need sleep!
9 p.m.: Lights out, too tired to even sex-text my boyfriend. I smile, and while thinking about our next encounter. I drift off to sleep.
Total: Three acts of intercourse, one in 8.5 minutes; two acts of vibrator masturbation, during one of which Dead Battery Syndrome is experienced; a dozen text messages; six solo nights at home with the kids; one hot night with the boyfriend.
