Let’s go through the reasons why this New York Post story about an alleged affair between engaged fireman Michael Biserta and married New Jerseyan Jamie Czerniawski is not “news,” in the sense that it is new and/or surprising:
1. Czerniawski, a cute blonde, once went on the television show Wife Swap, during which she traded places with a freak-show performer.
2. Biserta and his six-pack once graced the cover of the FDNY wall calendar.
3. Also, he can wrap his wang all the way around his beefy wrist.
4. Why do we know this? Because we own the DVD of Guys Gone Wild in which he performs this feat, on camera.
5. The pair supposedly exchanged romantic texts, with phrases such as: “Want you,” “Mmm, can’t wait!!!!!!!!!” and “I want to let you know just how f—ing bad I wanna f— you right now!!!!”
What is “news” about this story is that Czerniawski ended up stabbing her poor, cuckolded husband after a spate of such text messages. He was fine in the end, but obviously filed for divorce. This is not how these things usually end up. In our experience, the women in question generally end up with a low-budget sex tape, a “MySpace confession,” some misdemeanor stalking charges, and maybe a spot on the upcoming season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
