What Glenn Howerton Can’t Live Without

There’s always a part of me that’s afraid of becoming some horrible coastal liberal elitist fucking guy who’s like, I’m gluten-free now. I’m not totally gluten-free, but we got these Simple Mills crackers that are as good, and in some ways actually better, than the regular thing. Anyone who’s health-conscious has tried gluten-free versions of foods they like, and they’re not ever as good. But these crackers, they’re just fucking great. If I’m eating a giant disgusting salad, I need a little something on the side. They’re like the healthy version of French fries. I like the salty crunch.

I’m not 16 and breaking out all the time anymore, but once in a while I get a little zit that just decides its only way out is through my face. When that happens, this is the only thing I’ve ever found to work. If I feel a zit popping up, I put this Fixzit on it, and it’s dried up and almost gone the next morning. It definitely works better if you catch it early. Again, everything you’re reading about is coming from a rich elitist asshole, but I just want to say that he recognizes that he’s going to be accused of that. I don’t want people coming at me like I’m Gwyneth Paltrow, though I actually think she and her site are pretty great (not that I’m reading it all the time).

The great thing about coconut oil is that it’s a multipurpose thing: you can eat it, you can put it on your skin, you can put it in your hair, it’s a natural antimicrobial, so you can even put it on a cut. I hate the way I sound right now. I try not to eat too much dairy, so if I don’t have time to make a smoothie, I’ll take a spoon of coconut oil and put it in my coffee.

Hurraw, which I have in my pocket right now, is a lip balm company that I’ve introduced many people to. They’ve got about 30 different flavors, but the Moon Balm in particular is great because it goes on a little thicker than a regular lip balm. If it’s really cold and dry I’ll put that on right before bed so I don’t wake up with dry, cracked lips. We just got back from snowboarding in Big Bear, and the Moon Balm was a big lifesaver.

I’m a big smoothie guy, so I have a small Vitamix that’s sort of meant to compete with a Magic Bullet or NutriBullet. I’ve had a Magic Bullet before, but Vitamix really just makes the best blenders. They’re just built way tougher than the cheaper ones. I usually start my day with a smoothie. I’m not really a foodie. I just wanna get it in me and get on with my day. I have been known to do this when I don’t have time: I’ll make a big thing of food like meat and rice and vegetables in a pot — and this will sound fucking crazy — but if I don’t have time to eat it, I’ll put it in a blender, add some hot water to it, and turn it into a soup. That sounds gross but it’s like a puree! You add a little salt and it’s pretty fucking delicious. I put it in these glass Mason jars. People are always fascinated, like, “What the fuck is that?” I just want to say that that’s rare. Usually I use it to make smoothies. Ben Greenfield has this gnarly smoothie recipe which I do my own take on.

My wife and I try to eat as healthily as we possibly can, and I love corn chips but sometimes they make me feel a little sick. So I think my wife brought home these chips that are tortilla chips but made with cassava; they are supposedly healthier. That’s all well and good, but these, to me, are actually better than corn chips. They’re just fucking delicious. We’ll make guacamole and salsa with them or I’ll just eat them with a meal. One day Simple Mills, and one day Siete. The lime ones are delightful.

A couple years ago I had sinus surgery, because I had a fucked-up septum and couldn’t breathe. Plus, Los Angeles is a very polluted city, so the combination of being surrounded by pollution and having the worst septum my ENT had ever seen was bad. My doctor did an X-ray when I told him I couldn’t breathe, and he said, “I’ve been doing this for 30 years and you have one of the top-five most crooked septums I’ve ever seen.” And for after the surgery he said I’d need this saline spray to keep my nose clean and clear. It’s a spray with saline and xylitol, a natural plant sugar that’s antibacterial and antimicrobial. I use it every night before bed and every morning when I wake up to clear everything out, and within five minutes you’ll blow out an outrageous amount of of snot. Your sinuses are totally cleared. It’s amazing.

These are just so damn comfortable. I have a weirdly shaped foot. I wear orthotics, and I think that’s what they’re good for, but it’s also why I love these sneakers. They’re just like wearing socks. There’s really not that much else to say.