ByMargaret Hartmann,
senior editor for Intelligencer who has worked at New York since 2012
Photo: Andrew Aitchison/In Pictures via Getty Images
Even if you did not read Prince Harry’s memoir Spare, you probably know it’s the rare “tell-all” that truly tells all — from how Harry lost his virginity (behind a pub) to the state of his “todger” during his his brother’s wedding (frostbitten). After covering media reports about the book’s biggest revelations, I thought that nothing Harry could say — penis-related or otherwise — could shock me.
I was dead wrong.
While reading Spare I was repeatedly confronted with lines that stopped me cold. Loved ones grew tired of me reading snippets aloud and exclaiming “HOW IS THIS REAL?!” So let’s give them a break and play a little game. Below is a list of things that happen in Spare. You will tell me if you think they are made up, or something an honest-to-God prince wrote in an actual book. Prepare to be astonished — or gobsmacked, as Harry might say.
Correct! Harry says, “Unlike Shakespeare, Steinbeck didn’t need a translator. He wrote in plain, simple vernacular. Better yet, he kept it tight. Of Mice and Men: a brisk 150 pages."
Nope, this is true. Harry says, “Unlike Shakespeare, Steinbeck didn’t need a translator. He wrote in plain, simple vernacular. Better yet, he kept it tight. Of Mice and Men: a brisk 150 pages.
Correct. Just imagine 9-year-old Prince Harry hitting his dad with a "Do not go in there!"
This is true. Just imagine 9-year-old Prince Harry hitting his dad with a "Do not go in there!"
Correct. Harry has called his stepmother a "villain" in interviews, but he does not compare her to a specific Disney baddie in the book.
Wrong. Harry has called his stepmother a "villain" in interviews, but he does not compare her to a specific Disney baddie in the book.
Correct. Apparently Eton is just like Hogwarts, if Harry spent all his time smoking pot out of a window with his "mates" instead of doing magic.
Wrong. Apparently Eton is just like Hogwarts, if Harry spent all his time smoking pot out of a window with his "mates" instead of doing magic.
Yes, there's no way I could make this up. Harry writes, "I felt an inexplicable bond with Stewie, prophet without honor.”
Sorry, there's no way I could make this up. Harry writes, "I felt an inexplicable bond with Stewie, prophet without honor.”
Yup. Harry says the fox "seemed like a messenger, sent to me from some other realm. Or perhaps the future."
Nope, it's true. Harry says the fox "seemed like a messenger, sent to me from some other realm. Or perhaps the future."
Correct. While hosting Harry in New Jersey in 2013, Governor Christie made a joke about the prince’s recent nude photo scandal, saying, “Nobody’s going to get naked." Harry writes, “The line got a big laugh, because Christie is famously stout.” I think the line got a big laugh because Harry was famously photographed naked.
Incorrect. While hosting Harry in New Jersey in 2013, Governor Christie made a joke about the prince’s recent nude photo scandal, saying, “Nobody’s going to get naked. Harry writes, “The line got a big laugh, because Christie is famously stout.” I think the line got a big laugh because Harry was famously photographed naked.
Correct. Harry only mentions Trump once in the book. Queen Elizabeth asks Meghan what she thinks of the GOP candidate during their first meeting in November 2016. She quickly changes the subject.
Wrong. Harry only mentions Trump once in the book. Queen Elizabeth asks Meghan what she thinks of the GOP candidate during their first meeting in November 2016. She quickly changes the subject.
Yes, this is true — but it's not as fun as you might think. He points to staying in and watching Friends or 24 every night as a sign that he was suffering from PTSD after serving in Afghanistan.
Nope, this is true — but it's not as fun as you might think. He points to staying in and watching Friends or 24 every night as a sign that he was suffering from PTSD after serving in Afghanistan.
Yes! This is what Harry claims, but I'm not qualified to diagnose him as a Chandler.
Wrong! This is indeed what Harry claims, though I'm not qualified to diagnose him as a Chandler.
Correct. Harry actually goes into detail on how he winterized his penis, writing, “One very close mate hired a seamstress to make me a bespoke cock cushion. Square, supportive, it was sewn from pieces of the softest fleece."
Wrong. Harry actually goes into detail on how he winterized his penis, writing, “One very close mate hired a seamstress to make me a bespoke cock cushion. Square, supportive, it was sewn from pieces of the softest fleece."
Yes, and it's even worse than you'd think. Harry says he'd go to T.K. Maxx 15 minutes before closing time, rummage through the aisles, and buy anything that looked like it fit without trying it on.
This is actually true, and it's even worse than you'd think. Harry says he'd go to T.K. Maxx 15 minutes before closing time, rummage through the aisles, and buy anything that looked like it fit without trying it on.
Correct. Hopefully Harry won't run into Austin Butler when he's schmoozing with his new neighbors in Hollywood.
Wrong. Hopefully Harry won't run into Austin Butler when he's schmoozing with his new neighbors in Hollywood.
Correct. Sometimes Harry is surprisingly judgy for a guy who buys most of his clothing at T.K. Maxx.
Wrong. Sometimes Harry is surprisingly judgy for a guy who buys most of his clothing at T.K. Maxx.
Correct. As a “Friends fanatic,” Harry was excited, but he also felt weird “because … she was Monica. And I was a Chandler. I wondered if I’d ever work up the courage to tell her. Was there enough tequila in California to get me that brave?” There was not.
This is actually true. As a “Friends fanatic,” Harry was excited, but he also felt weird “because … she was Monica. And I was a Chandler. I wondered if I’d ever work up the courage to tell her. Was there enough tequila in California to get me that brave?” There was not.
Yes. Harry is very impressed when Arnett confirms that he's Batman, remarking, "What a thing to be able to say!" As you may recall, Harry is an actual prince.
Nope, this happened. Yes. Harry is very impressed when Arnett confirms that he's Batman, remarking, "What a thing to be able to say!" As you may recall, Harry is an actual prince.
This is true. "Lego Batman" obliged, saying “Hello, Harry” repeatedly.
Harry claims this happened. "Lego Batman" obliged, saying “Hello, Harry” repeatedly.
This is true. Harry is too shy to tell Cox he likes Friends, but not too shy to eat her 'shrooms.
This is true. Harry is too shy to tell Cox he likes Friends, but not too shy to eat her 'shrooms.
Correct. Harry says he and his friends "waited for Batman to indulge as well. But he didn't. Not his thing, or something. 'Howdya like that?' we said. 'This bloke's just sent us by ourselves into the fucking Batcave!'"
Nope! Harry says he and his friends "waited for Batman to indulge as well. But he didn't. Not his thing, or something. 'Howdya like that?' we said. 'This bloke's just sent us by ourselves into the fucking Batcave!'"
Yes, this happened. "Now the loo became a head," Harry writes. "The bowl was its gaping maw, the hinges of the seat its piercing silver eyes. I finished, flushed, closed its mouth."
This actually happened. "Now the loo became a head," Harry writes. "The bowl was its gaping maw, the hinges of the seat its piercing silver eyes. I finished, flushed, closed its mouth."
All too true. Harry urges the trash can to "Open wide." It replies, "Aaah. Thank you, mate." Harry answers, "You're welcome, mate."
Nope, this is real. Harry urges the trash can to "Open wide." It replies, "Aaah. Thank you, mate." Harry answers, "You're welcome, mate."
This is true. Meghan assumes the random guy holding the queen's purse is her assistant, not her second son — and the royals might be better off if that were true.
Sorry, this is true. Meghan assumes the random guy holding the queen's purse is her assistant, not her second son — and the royals might be better off if that were true.
Correct. Harry does borrow a costume from Hardy, but it's the outfit he wore in Mad Max: Fury Road.
Wrong. Harry does borrow a costume from Hardy, but it's the outfit he wore in Mad Max: Fury Road.
Correct. "Granny" gives Harry special permission to sport his military uniform and facial hair at his wedding, though beards are forbidden in the British Army. This enrages "Willy," for unclear reasons.
Wrong. "Granny" gives Harry special permission to sport his military uniform and facial hair at his wedding, though beards are forbidden in the British Army. This enrages "Willy," for unclear reasons.
Correct. But Harry was afraid this would happen, as "Willy told me, explicitly, in all seriousness, that this was his plan."
Wrong. But Harry was afraid this would happen, as "Willy told me, explicitly, in all seriousness, that this was his plan."
Yup, though Harry is a bit hazy on the last bit. “Did I imagine — did Pa promise — that selkies might also grant a wish?” he writes.
This is actually true, though Harry is a bit hazy on the last bit. “Did I imagine — did Pa promise — that selkies might also grant a wish?” he writes.
Correct. Pa’s chef is horrified when he finds out what Harry and Meghan did, and vividly explains that they’re basically seal killers. Harry wonders how Pa’s “lovely fairytale” got “so dark so fast.”
Wrong. Pa’s chef is horrified when he finds out what Harry and Meghan did, and vividly explains that they’re basically seal-killers. Harry wonders how Pa’s “lovely fairytale” got “so dark so fast.”
Correct. Here's how Harry describes his reaction to seeing positive pregnancy tests, just a page after the dead seal story: "I thought: Thank you, selkies. I thought: Thank you, Mummy."
Correct. Here's how Harry describes his reaction to seeing positive pregnancy tests, just a page after the dead seal story: "I thought: Thank you, selkies. I thought: Thank you, Mummy."
Correct. Harry doesn't speak to his mother directly, but the psychic relays, "Your mother says: You're living the life she couldn't. you're living the life she wanted for you."
Nope, this happens. Harry doesn't speak to his mother directly, but the psychic relays, "Your mother says: You're living the life she couldn't. you're living the life she wanted for you."
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