super bowl xlviii

Your Super Bowl XLVIII FAQ

The Super Bowl is coming to New York, everybody! Well, New Jersey anyway. Yesterday’s announcement that the 2014 Super Bowl will be held here has everybody’s undergarments in their proverbial bunch. What does all this mean? You’ve got questions; we have hastily researched answers.

What date is the game going to be?
Either February 2, February 9, or February 16, 2014, depending on how that season’s NFL schedule plays out. As a frame of reference, that’s so far from now that you’ll almost certainly have presidential candidates for the 2016 election roaming around Iowa at that time.

Isn’t it going to be cold?
Yes. It’s typically around 33 degrees on February 16. The real issue is snow: The NFL’s nightmare scenario is swirling, crazy snow that makes it difficult for home viewers to even see what’s going on. But if it’s that light, aesthetically pleasing in HD snow, it will be a Super Bowl no one ever forgets.

Are players excited about playing their Super Bowl in cold temperatures?
Nope. Some have called it inhumane, and players have traditionally considered warm-weather locales a reward for a successful season. Others have concerns with bad weather skewing the game and taking teams out of their high-skill, high-precision games.

Does anybody care?
No. Nobody cares what NFL players think about anything. It’s one of the main reasons the NFL is so rich.

Has anyone estimated how much money this will bring to the region? And by “estimated,” we mean “completely pulled a number out of their arse?”
Of course! The talking-points figure is somewhere in the $500 to 600 million range, which would make it the most profitable Super Bowl ever. But that is a totally made-up figure. Best sign the number’s made up: The story cites spillover money for rural New Jersey hotels because all the Manhattan hotels are supposedly booked. That’s an awfully specific prediction for an event that’s not happening for four years. Considering the impending NFL labor nuclear war, it’s a bit presumptuous, to say the least. ESPN’s Peter Keating has a great piece debunking the idea that Super Bowls make cities rich.

Will there be a Super Bowl mascot?
Man, we hope so — though no one’s beating Spike, the football with sunglasses.

What kind of seat will the mayor of East Rutherford have at the game?
Hilariously, he’ll be at home.

Your Super Bowl XLVIII FAQ