Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, the 31-Year-Old Meeting the Parents of Her Insecure Boyfriend: Female, administrative assistant, midtown, 31, “straight with bisexual tendencies,” in a relationship.
DAY ONE
5:51 p.m.: Got into a fight with my best friend today over my not being supportive enough of her relationship. Dude, you’re with the wrong guy. You broke up with him, I told you that. Now you’re back together and I work super hard to be nice to him and you’re complaining that I’m quietly judging you and making you feel like you made the wrong choice … project much?!
DAY TWO
11 a.m.: All’s quiet on the Eastern front. Exhausted from hormones and the long week I just made it through; I fell asleep by eleven last night. Did not masturbate, did not pass go, did not collect $200. I won’t be seeing my boo until Friday, probably. (He’s got standing plans Tuesday through Thursday nights, and we usually plan to not see each other until Fridays, but we also usually break that plan and meet up before Friday rolls around.) On Friday I meet his parents for the first time; they’re in town visiting.
4:11 p.m.: Horny. At work. Could totally use a nice session of my boyfriend going down on me until I cum followed by some hard pounding. I’m just saying.
DAY THREE
12:37 p.m.: My best friend broke up with her boyfriend. She did it of her own accord, for all the reasons I wanted her to, but because she felt those things. I’m really proud of her, and realize she’s a grown woman now and I need to trust her to make the right choices in her own life.
10:29 p.m.: I haven’t heard from my boyfriend all day. No text or call or e-mail. I’m not worried. It’s not a big deal, I just can’t remember the last time I went this long without hearing from him. I miss him and I think I’ll have to call since he hasn’t!
10:55 p.m.: I talked to the bf and I don’t feel much better. It sounds like he had a busy day, and he said he missed me, but it just doesn’t feel right. Of course I’m beginning to get PMS-y and emotionally sensitive, so this is probably all in my head. But it still makes me sad. If you’re not sure what he did or why I’m sad, welcome to the world of dealing with a hormonal woman!
DAY FOUR
10:26 a.m.: Talked to my boo this a.m. and all seems kosher. He e-mailed me last night too, which was sweet. I’m meeting his parents tonight for the first time! They’re visiting from the Midwest. I’m wearing one of his favorite shirts of mine, and my best friend said I look beautiful today. Yay! I want to make a good impression, and beautiful doesn’t hurt!
1:42 p.m.: Because my bf and I met online, e-mail has always been a big part of our relationship. It’s a safe haven of communication where we can share things we might not otherwise have the guts to share. In his latest e-mail he told me that he has doubted his sexuality at times. Not thinking he was gay, but rather thinking that because he does not seek out sex with the same ferocity of his friends that perhaps he is asexual. He says that now that he’s with me that’s not a concern, and I can vouch for that. But I do think it’s interesting how we bring in these preconceived notions about ourselves from previous relationships or periods of singledom and introspection. You never know if that’s really who you are or just who you are at that moment. I find that a lot of the ideas I once had about myself do not apply in this relationship, and my bf feels the same. I’m glad he’s not asexual! He’s got a huge perfect cock and he’s amazing in bed. If he were asexual it would be such a waste.
11 p.m. Met the bf’s parents. Super nice people. They seemed to like me, of course! Back at his place he looks at me so lovingly but with sadness in his eyes. I ask if everything is okay and if he’s sad. He says he’s embarrassed, that he’s so happy he’s on the verge of tears sometimes. “I never thought I’d meet someone like you,” he tells me. I love him just as much. He is so wonderful it is beyond words.
When we get back to his place he goes to the bathroom and tells me to stay dressed. He came in and kissed me passionately, unbuttoning my blouse. He unhooked my bra deftly with one hand. I hardly ever wear a bra, and he’s far less experienced sexually than I am, so I was surprised. I guess he’s taken off a lot of bras!
He gets me naked in bed, then dives right down to eat my pussy. It takes a while, but he makes me cum. I’m loud about it, as is he when we’re having sex, because we thought his roommates were gone. Then I hear one in the kitchen. Oops! I hope he’s a heavy sleeper.
DAY FIVE
11:15 a.m.: My best friend found out yesterday that she’s knocked up by the guy she just dumped. I am in the waiting room at the clinic; she is behind closed doors getting a pill or having a DNC. I am reading How to Write and Publish a Successful Children’s Book. Ironic?
There are protesters outside with signs and literature and little boxes of plastic embryos showing the different sizes of babies at different stages in pregnancy. Pushy bastards. As my best friend pointed out, we don’t go to their church and yell about wanting to have an abortion.
I had an abortion once. I was using birth control and got pregnant anyway. I was with someone I loved who I thought I’d marry and maybe have kids with one day, but the time wasn’t right. I wasn’t sad about my choice before or after. Now we’re not together and I couldn’t be happier that we didn’t have a baby. I use birth control with my current bf. I’m pretty sure I’m going to marry him and have his babies in a few years. But if I got knocked up today I’d probably have an abortion. We’re struggling artists; I’m going back to school in the fall. The time just isn’t right. Abortion should not be used as birth control, but if you’re using birth control and get pregnant anyway and are not able to care for a child, you should have the option to terminate. I’m glad this crazy government of ours didn’t stop funding to Planned Parenthood; it’s an invaluable service.
DAY SIX
2:34 p.m.: I’m on my period, I read last night that one should not use tampons while treating bacterial vaginosis, so, for the first time in a loooonnnnnggg time I will be wearing pads during this period. Yuck! He’s not coming anywhere near me!
In fact, it’s the first time we haven’t slept naked together since we started sleeping together.
Last night there was a lot of heavy petting above the waist. Then I asked him if he wanted me to suck his cock even though he couldn’t touch me and he couldn’t fuck me and I can’t make him cum. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, my boyfriend can’t cum from oral sex. It’s a bummer for both of us. I love to suck his cock, and love making him cum, so naturally I’d like to be able to accomplish both in one fell swoop. And I’m sure he’d like to be able to orgasm when I’m indisposed. But you play with the hand you’re dealt (no pun intended!), and so I gave that boy the best blow job I had in my arsenal, for his pleasure and without the promise of a happy ending.
DAY SEVEN
1:35 p.m.: I finished my course of medicine for the bacterial vaginosis and was slightly less indisposed last night. I mean, I’m still on my period, but I can wear a tampon now and that leaves a few areas available for some fun. The bf asked if I was more available for him than I’d been the night before and he was happy when I said yes. And yet, very little play happened between us last night.
Having taken his parents to the airport, he was in a nostalgic mood. Nostalgia, as I learned from Mad Men, is derived from Greek meaning “the pain from an old wound.” Last night my bf was melancholy. His mind was off in childhood memories and old fears and so instead of having him rock my world with his very skilled tongue I wrapped my arms around him and held him close and hard until he fell asleep in my arms.
TOTALS: One round of loud sex because we thought the roommates weren’t home (oops); one kick-ass blow job given without the expectation of a happy ending; one best friend’s abortion supported; one bout of bacterial vaginosis cured.
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