The Department of Defense released the official photo of new Defense Secretary and noted sad-faced person Chuck Hagel this afternoon. The following is a complete transcription of the photo session that produced the photo, courtesy of a Daily Intelligencer spy who was in the room at the time.
Photographer: All right, Secretary Hagel, this should just take a moment.
Hagel: Very well.
Photographer: Now, give me a nice smile.
Hagel: [Makes slight frown.]
Photographer: Secretary Hagel? A smile?
Hagel: I am smiling.
Photographer: You are?
Hagel: This is a smile.
Photographer: Honestly, you look a little nauseous.
Hagel: This is my very best smile.
Photographer: Here, look at Leon Panetta’s photo. [Holds up photo.] His expression is clearly one of happiness. You can see his teeth.
Hagel: I have no teeth.
Photographer: Secretary Hagel, I know for a fact that you have teeth.
Hagel: You do?
Photographer: Yes.
Hagel: I would like to correct my earlier statement about not having teeth. What I meant to say was that I do have teeth.
Photographer: That’s fine. Now, go ahead and smile.
Hagel: [Makes slight frown.]
Photographer: You’re finally the Defense Secretary! You made it! Show everyone how happy this makes you!
Hagel: [Makes slight frown.]
Photographer: Got it, thanks.
