“They’re the only things I can trust, unlike human beings,” said a 26-year-old Manhattanite of his exotic — and illegal — animals, which have included “an alligator, a 7-foot albino Burmese python, two boa constrictors, two tarantulas, two ferrets and piranhas,” DNAinfo reports. “My wife, she don’t like it,” he added. “I wish I could get a tiger my damn self. I told her I will when I get the money.” This isn’t going to end well.