Mother Jones published a story on Sunday about the 450-plus times local police departments asked the Pentagon for armored tactical vehicles in the past two years. One of those requests came from Dewey Beach, Delaware, a place described by BroBible as “all of 0.3 square miles of land, but has about as much fun on hand as you can have in a weekend.” In 2013, the town told the federal government that it had “been consistently in the top 10 beaches in the US” and that “the potential to need an armored tactical vehicle is probable.” The request did not explain how an armored tactical vehicle might come in handy in alleviating the town’s big problems, like stampedes of drunk people rushing to find cheap beer, unexpected burger shortages, or the simmering passive-aggressive rage of year-round residents. The police force told the magazine that it had not yet “experienced any situations in which we felt an armored tactical vehicle could have been utilized.”
