I like the Amazon Echo. It’s great for listening to music, asking simple questions, or just setting a timer while cooking. But sometimes Alexa can be a little bland. A little too complacent.
Almost like it wants you to stay asleep, to not see the real puppet masters orchestrating the grand New World Order conspiracies behind 9/11, Hurricane Katrina, and the recent death of Carrie Fisher.
Enter Alexa Jones, a smart speaker that will wake your family up to the truth.
Wanna get a news flash from Alexa Jones? “They’re growing humanoids up inside cows and inside pigs. Almost every guinea pig is deformed, with their testicles on top of their heads.” Ready to go for the day!
Ask Alexa Jones how tall Mount Everest is, and it’ll teach you self-reliance — and a little something about our water supply. “Look it up for yourself. I mean, this is what they’re — I mean, what do you think tap water is? It’s a gay bomb, baby.” News you can use.
Ask Alexa Jones what time it is and you get: “Time to die.” Which, considering the inevitability of human mortality, is not untrue!
The best part, of course, is that Alexa Jones only uses actual excerpts from Alex Jones’s own broadcasts, so you know you’re getting the real truth: unvarnished, unapologetic, and screamed at you only the way a man full of red meat and testosterone can. Now, we just need someone to code this as an actual skill for Alexa.
