Hilary Swank Put Her Boob on Someone’s HeadKelly Ripa said she’s going to check out occasional Live With Regis and Kelly co-host Damien Fahey’s band tonight at the Cutting Room. Hilary Swank accidentally put her boob on P.S. I Love You co-star Bob Balaban’s head when she hugged him as he was having lunch. Robin
Quivers’s boyfriend, comic Jim Florentine, joked at Caroline’s that he’s not sure why she’s dating him because he’s “a loser.” The Olsen twins, Bob Saget, and John Stamos had a Full House reunion at the Bowery Hotel bar on Wednesday. Michael Jordan, ex-Knick Charles Oakley, and Ahmad Rashad hung out at Buddakan and then Socialista. Black Crowe Chris Robinson got six figures to play a half-hour set for a Wall Street firm at Arena.
intel
PETA Gets Way Too Personal With the Olsen TwinsNow, everyone knows how we love the Olsen family, so it pains our heart to do this, but we really have to recommend that everybody go over to the PETA Website and play their Dress Up the Trollsens game. See, that’s the new nickname they have for Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. You can go on their site and dress “Hairy Kate” and “Trashley,” who begin the game naked, in what we can only assume is the makeup they used during their auditions to be extras in I Am Legend. In their closet, you’ll see items like a “Choked Chinchilla Cap” and a “Mauled Mink Shaw” (the “Dead Doggie Shoulder Bag” and “Kitten-Trimmed Mittens,” we must say, are a stretch, even for PETA). The creepiest part isn’t the bloody clothing, nor is it the fact that both twins have the same naked body-warts that plague Mr. Burns on The Simpsons. It’s that their giant dead eyes follow your cursor as it moves around their bodies and does whatever it wants. They just dully regard you with a silent mix of sneering disdain and mild terror. For anyone who has ever had a fantasy about having sex with either of them, that should just about cure it. Because we’re no Lance Armstrong, but we suspect that in real life, that’s exactly how it goes.
Dress Up The Trollsens [PETA]
gossipmonger
Jessica Simpson Has the Same Crummy Friends As the Rest of UsJessica Simpson got totally pissed at Eva Longoria for hanging out with her ex John Mayer at GoldBar. MSNBC pundit Lawrence O’Donnell, who plays a lawyer on Big Love, bashed Mormonism on The McLaughlin Group on Sunday. Richard Belzer says he’s “hurt” his role on Law & Order: SVU has been cut back. PETA has dubbed the Olsen twins the “Trollsen Twins” because of their affinity for fur. Among the items in J.Lo’s gift registry for her twins are a Balmoral enameled black carriage for a $3,495 and a $289 suede play mat.
gossipmonger
Brooke Astor’s Dogs Were in Danger!Not only did Brooke Astor’s son, Anthony Marshall, allegedly steal $132 million from his mom’s estate, but he also wanted to kill her dogs. The latest issue of Vanity Fair chronicles Governor Spitzer’s “troubling, tantrum-filled” first year in office. A week after her kidney infection, Mary-Kate Olsen is back to partying around town. Tony Bennett is giving a “special performance” on behalf of Hillary Clinton in New Jersey in December. Jenna Jameson and Richie Rich are opening a bar together in Chinatown. Chelsea Clinton ate at Veritas with a “very handsome, dark, Indian male companion.” David Mamet is a fan of the New York Post.
intel
Imaginary Thanksgiving With the Olsen Family!Scene: The Olsen Family Compound, Sherman Oaks, California. The camera pans a table set with linen and crystal and steaming tureens, around which several members of the Olsen family are seated. Their eyes are closed and their heads are bowed in prayer, except for Ashley Olsen, who is sitting on Lance Armstrong’s lap. The Olsens’ mother, Jarnette, begins her holiday prayer.
Jarnette: Let us give thanks today for all of the food in front of us, the roof over our heads, and all of the opportunities given to us.
Lesser Olsens 1 & 2: [In unison.] Thank you, Mary-Kate and Ashley.
in other news
Mary-Kate Olsen Hospitalized With Unglamorous Ailment, ‘People’ AnnoyedMary-Kate Olsen, poster child for a healthy lifestyle, was hospitalized last night for a kidney infection, according to People magazine, which apparently been deeply betrayed by this turn of events. “The actress recently said she was in good health,” they report in somewhat defensive tones, and to prove it they toss in a quote from MK saying she was at “the top of her game” as recently as September. How dare she lie like that! Anyway, according to her rep, Olsen Numero Uno is “resting comfortably and will be released in the next day or so,” so no worries, public, she’ll soon be up and back to doing whatever it is she does.
Mary Kate Olsen Hospitalized with Kidney Infection [People]
in other news
Lance Armstrong Backpedals Over All Our FunIn today’s “Page Six,” Lance Armstrong breaks his silence over his alleged Ashley Olsen romance, and tells the tabloid that “Ashley Olsen and I are strictly friends. We have hung out amongst other friends, and she strikes me as a nice, smart lady.” [Ed. note: Wait, Lance uses the word “amongst”?] The column also says that Lance’s ex, Sheryl Crow, is “hitting back at a Life & Style report about her supposedly being upset over Armstrong’s relationship with Olsen.” So she wasn’t at all hitting back at “Page Six,” who reprinted the Life & Style item yesterday with the headline “JUST TOO YOUNG”? It should be noted that she’s probably also hitting back at Daily Intel, because we linked to the “Page Six” story, too. But that’s because we are completely obsessed with the idea of Lance and Ashley together, and its awkward, lovely, skinny spectacle will still burn in our hearts. At least, until Mary-Kate starts dating Barry Bonds. Which we expect any minute now.
Lance Responds [NYP]
Earlier: Daily Intel’s brief, beautiful coverage of Asstrong
gossipmonger
Zoe Kravitz Shows Some Leg Lenny Kravitz complained that his 18-year-old daughter’s skirt was too short. Nancy Reagan wants Mayor Bloomberg to run for president. New York Ranger Sean Avery may be cheating on Mary-Kate Olsen with ex-flame Lake Bell. Heath Ledger and Kate Hudson may or may not have made out at the Beatrice Inn. A lady clamoring to see Jessica Simpson at the Waverly Inn knocked over a table and tumbled into the fireplace. Leroy Barnes, a drug-dealing competitor of Frank Lucas (Denzel Washington), says American Gangster, portrayed him inaccurately. An ex-cop made a board game that highlights the incompetence surrounding the rebuilding of ground zero.
company town
Did Aaron Charney Only Get 100K From Sullivan?LAW
• Will Aaron Charney ever have to work again? More than likely — he may not have gotten more than $100,000 in his sexual-harassment settlement with Sullivan & Cromwell. [PrawfsBlawg via Above the Law]
• Should law schools be more like business schools? One law prof thinks so, and he looks a little like Justin Timberlake, so he must be right. [Law Blog/WSJ]
• Do Cravath’s two rounds of bonuses signal Big Law strength and more money for associates, or is the firm just hedging so they aren’t locked in to paying the same amount next year? [NYT]
gossipmonger
Richard Gere’s Sell-Buy ConundrumRichard Gere may buy the penthouse in Julian Schnabel’s West Village building, if he can sell his Sullivan Street townhouse for $12 million first. Henry Kissinger, Michael Eisner, and Barry Diller were among the power players who ate at Michael’s for lunch yesterday. Some designers are refusing to use the Earth Pledge’s ecofriendly “Sea Leather” because it’s actually made out of dead fish skin. Ivana Trump’s new engagement ring, from daughter Ivanka’s jewelry line, costs $250,000. Anderson Cooper told Conan that he has a “fatty deposit” under his eye that is visible in high definition. NBC refused to run a Larry Craig–inspired political commercial, though CNN picked it up. (Perhaps it had something to do with Matt Lauer’s interview with the disgraced senator?)
gossipmonger
Sarah Silverman: ‘Don’t Call Me a Rivers’John Updike says he moved from New York to New England to get away from the “ego-eroding literary hustle” of the city. Glamour editor Cindi Leive had a rare blowup over racially insensitive comments fashion editor Ashley Baker made while speaking to a group of African-American lawyers. Sarah Silverman confessed to Howard Stern that she got extremely upset after being mistaken for Melissa Rivers. Jimmy Fallon and Rangers teammates Sean Avery and Brendan Shanahan ate at the Waverly Inn after their season opener. Martina Navratilova and Jeffrey Lyons may or may not have left Kenjo together on West 57th Street.
gossipmonger
The Return of Peter Gatien?Deported former Limelight owner Peter Gatien might be coming back to the States because he is part Native American. CBS Evening News executive producer Rick Kaplan orchestrated an office dance-off to boost morale. Jewish boxer Dmitriy “Star of David” Salita, from Brooklyn, had his fight at Cipriani Downtown rescheduled because it fell on the Sabbath. Paris Hilton’s crisis PR guy, Mike Sitrick, is the reason she’s been out of the tabs lately, but friends say she can’t keep up the act. Robin Williams went to an AA meeting in Greenwich. Cuba Gooding Jr. and Isiah Thomas hung out at Socialista.
gossipmonger
Scalia Digs TortureSupreme Court justice Antonin Scalia is, not surprisingly, a fan of Jack Bauer’s 24 torture techniques. Mark Green is set to join Al D’Amato and Ed Koch on NY1’s Inside City Hall program. Jeanine Pirro is set to star in a Judge Judy–esque show. Ellen Barkin and Ralph Fiennes have been canoodling. Knicks point guard Stephon Marbury gave $300 to a homeless man. The Olsen twins trekked to Atlantic City for a Bob Dylan concert. The late Kurt Vonnegut has a role in an upcoming DVD. A gay former CBS News producer filed a $10 million discrimination suit against his former employer because he felt the network didn’t want his gay-bashing in St. Maarten to be publicized. Aussie golfer Greg Norman and his ex-wife-to-be have finally come to (undisclosed) terms on how to split up his $500 million fortune. Patti LaBelle didn’t need a mike to wow a Carnegie Hall audience.
party lines
Liz Smith Gets Grabby at ‘Manny’ Celebration “My father suggested we do it here,” explained Holly Peterson, and the Four Seasons Grill Room erupted in every possible variation on the worldly guffaw: Peterson’s knack for self-promotion was apparently a well-established meme here. The party celebrated Peterson’s first foray into literature, The Manny a book that gently gender-flips the babysitter-diddling scenario (and incidentally makes Lulu Meets God and Doubts Him read like Madame Bovary).
gossipmonger
Anonygossip Terrifies Hamptons!The society column in The Southampton Press is now anonymously written, and some East Enders are worried. Danielle Steel plans to write a novel based on her ex-husband’s boating incident in France, which left a French doctor dead. Sharon Stone is scheduled to emcee an AIDS benefit at the Dubai International Film Festival, despite the fact that the city has a bad track record on dealing with homosexuals and AIDS victims. Vanessa Minnillo may star in a reality show, though the Lohan knife pictures may be an issue. Peter Beard likes to take Polaroids of topless models. The Olsen twins sold pictures from their 21st-birthday party for $300,000. Paul McCartney performed a surprise show at the HighLine Ballroom with his “almost boy band.” Eli Manning dumped beer on teammate Shaun O’Hara at his 30th-birthday party.
gossipmonger
The Dirty PigMario Batali’s Spotted Pig received 34 health-violation points. Robert De Niro ditches Nobu biz partner in a new hotel venture. A Vegas madam claims Bill Clinton and Shaquille O’Neal have used her services. Mary-Kate and Ashley finally turn 21. Nicole Richie might be carrying Joel Madden’s baby. Hulk Hogan is Father of the Year. Kelly Clarkson cancels her summer tour because of low ticket sales.
gossipmonger
Hassling HasselbackRosie O’Donnell’s chief writer at The View was busted for drawing mustaches on pictures of arch-nemesis Elisabeth Hasselback. Accused D.C. Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey wants to publicize more names from her client list, but ABC News says there are no other even remotely noteworthy names on it. David Blaine wants to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge. (Please!) Mary-Kate Olsen and Matthew Modine are set to join the cast of Weeds. The maps have been removed from Jodi’s Shortcuts, the semi-famous Hamptons traffic-avoidance routes. Callers trying to reach Sarah Silverman as part of an MTV Movie Awards promo have been accidentally dialing some company in Texas.
new york fugging city
The Fug Girls: How to Hire a Celebrity Fashion Designer Desperate to join the ranks of retailers who’ve used celebrities for brand cachet, cheapie clothier Steve + Barry’s has decided to follow up its first attempt Sarah Jessica Parker’s fashion line Bitten by partnering with actress Amanda Bynes. Who? Exactly. Either Steve + Barry only watch Nickelodeon, or the founders just haven’t had a proper lesson in picking the proper celebrity to pimp their wares. Thank God we’re here with some sage advice (after the jump). You’re welcome, boys.