Damn Yankees
This week’s revelation that Derek Jeter and A-Rod are no longer BFF has thrown New Yorkers into a collective inner turmoil unseen since the darkest days of the transit strike. Although the relationship’s psychological subtleties have been parsed exhaustively across the nation’s sports pages, much of the city remains confused and distracted. In an effort to facilitate some kind of public catharsis — and, frankly, to explore our own emotions on the subject — we’d like to offer a one-act play, Joe Torre’s Come and Gone. It’s after the jump.
gossipmonger
Paris Hilton (Finally) Embarrasses HerselfParis Hilton’s next movie is so bad even she doesn’t want to be associated with it. Karl Rove ran a great campaign for student-body president in high school. Michael Jackson’s kids are polite, ate cake. Bob Costas told Mario Cuomo, others that the Yankees should trade A-Rod. Exes Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal ran into each other at Capitale, talked. Liz Smith likes Clint Eastwood’s Flags of Our Fathers. A lot. Marc Ecko bought a rhinoceros. Lawyer Lynne Stewart eats healthy. Madonna, who rents her English estate out for pheasant hunts, recently imported some new birds from France. Model Tyra Banks doesn’t like porn star Tyra Banxxx, who just made a new video. CBS is casting a reality show about lazy people. (But nobody bothered to show up! Rimshot!) Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey went to a party, didn’t have their picture taken together. Ellen Burstyn wrote a book. U2 is moving its music-publishing biz out of Ireland, to avoid some taxes. Patrick McCarthy held a dinner for the new W, at which a photographer fell out of his chair. Wal-Mart CEO Lee Scott is getting a big dinner at the Rainbow Room for being good to the environment; the Eagles will perform. Aretha Franklin is afraid of heights. “Page Six” is sorry for saying Vince Vaughn was “making out” with a chick he was actually just saying hello to. A blogger says Idaho Senator Larry Craig is gay.
the morning line
Plane Crash, Gay Bash, and Mary Jo Kopechne
• Not much new was revealed overnight about the plane crash that killed Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle and gave a jolt to the UES. Turns out the hit building’s tenant list is full of semi-boldface names including, weirdly, the Mets’ third-base coach Manny Acta. [NYT, NYDN, NYP]
• In a repellent turn to a repellent story, a suspected racial-bias attack turns out to be a gay bash turns out to be a robbery. Four Sheepshead Bay youths are charged with luring a man via e-mail to a Plumb Beach cruising spot to rob him; the victim broke free, fled, and was struck by a car. Prosecutors say the hate-crime tag still applies. [amNY]
• Rep. Chris Shays, the GOP congressman from Connecticut, achieves the impossible by somehow managing to lower the discourse level of the Foley scandal. How? By bringing up, apropos of nothing, Ted Kennedy’s Chappaquiddick incident. Early and Often’s take here. [NYDN]
• The Columbia Queer Alliance is puzzled by the light attendance of the public-makeout event it staged on the university’s Low Library steps. The turnout reportedly shrank ten times compared to last year’s, despite an effort to involve the shy and the single (who were offered apples to kiss). [Bwog]
• And the Post’s Andrea Peyser unleashes a jaw-dropping attack on “sluttish, revolting monster” Madonna for “raping Malawi” (by adopting an African child). Choice quote: “Madonna has traveled far beyond her… loser antics to grab attention — and flesh.” Don’t worry, a slave auction gets mentioned too. [NYP]
it just happened
UES Plane Crash: The Latest NewsHere’s what we know about the Upper East Side plane crash. Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle owned and piloted the plane; he died in the crash, and his passport was found on the street near the crash site. The FAA says Lidle had a fuel problem and issued a Mayday shortly before the crash. The FBI says that Lidle was the only person on the plane, contradicting earlier reports suggesting there was at least one passenger. News reports say there’s at least one other fatality, but there are no specifics. There’s no word on injuries within the building, although two apartments are said to have suffered serious damage, and the scar to the building’s façade is self-evident. The evacuation proceeded smoothly; the 50-story tower emptied within minutes.
Some coverage: New York’s Michael Idov reported from the crash scene. CNN has been covering all the latest developments. In September, Lidle discussed his love of flying — and his newly purchased airplane — with the Times. The FAA has the plane’s registration on file. The Yankees Website offers Lidle’s stats. And ESPN has a grim and rather long list of athletes who died in plane crashes.
UPDATE, 6:30 p.m.: 7Online.com is reporting that Lidle was carrying a passenger, a flight instructor, who was the other fatality. In a press conference, Mayor Bloomberg said that the plane left Teterboro airport at 2:30 p.m., circled the Statue of Liberty, and headed north up the East River, in compliance with air-traffic rules. Then the plane lost contact with controllers, he said, and was seen on radar flying near the 59th Street Bridge. A 911 call about the crash arrived at 2:42 p.m. Bloomberg also said no further fatalities were found in the apartment building.
it just happened
Joe Won’t GoWell, so much for all that. Joe Torre has just announced at a Yankee Stadium press conference that he’ll be back for next season, his twelfth, according to ESPN.com.
So we’ll get to do this all again next year.
Torre Will Not Be Fired, Still Yankees Manager [ESPN.com]
Earlier: Steinbrenner’s Masterpiece Theatre
Plague of the Yankees
The signs, at first, were subtle. Moments after the final out found the back of the first-baseman’s glove in Detroit, eliminating the Yankees forever from the 2006 playoffs, meteorologists reported a slight dip in atmospheric pressure over the Eastern Seaboard. Old men across the Bronx sat up suddenly in bed, complaining of strange dreams and aching joints. Dogs across the city started to bark in shrill inexplicable waves. At 9 p.m., apparently realizing that the greatest offense in the history of human sport had been vanquished, the moon turned black and plunged into the sea. The Hudson River reversed its flow, ejecting Atlantic-bound eels and sharks and whales onto the West Side Highway, where they writhed and gnashed at each other in agony over yet another failed season.
the morning line
Bollards and Gribbles and Photogs, Oh, My!
• NYPD and DOT realize, after five years, that concrete bollards don’t actually protect us from terrorism. They do, however, teach us new words like “bollard.” [NYT]
• The Dolans really want to take Cablevision private. So much, in fact, that they’ll be happy to absorb $11.3 billion in debt (the company is valued at $7.9 billion). [WCBS]
• Yanks bask in the ultimate humiliation: throwing the postseason to the Tigers and getting outlasted by the Mets. Steinbrenner is likely to fire Torre and replace him with Lou Piniella. [WNBC]
• The city’s operas try to freshen up their crowd by offering $20 or $25 orchestra seats. Giving quotes like “We were all amazed that out of the woodwork these people came roaring up” does not help the populist cause. [NYT]
• In a textbook case of good news, bad news, cleaner water in the Hudson nurses back to life an array of disgusting critters like shipworms and gribbles. Bring back the pretty petroleum slicks! [IHT]
• And finally, city photojournalists, sounding surreally combative (“We are not a group to be trifled with”), demand rights to shoot in Port Authority facilities. Once you’ve seen the Christopher Street PATH station at dawn, you’ll understand. [AMNY]
[Ed. note: Apologies, by the way, for the late start. The Morning Line should post about two hours earlier than it did this morning, assuming in the future we can figure out how to use Movable Type.]