We Cannot Thank Eli Manning EnoughAs we face a Celtics championship, we look fondly toward Eli Manning — do you realize what sort of three-sport Masshole championship insanity he saved us from?
Never Doubt Tiki
Tiki Barber just retired from football, but has his throwing arm already atrophied? At NBC’s upfront presentation yesterday, the former Giant and the rest of the Sunday Night Football sportscaster team were trotted out to face advertisers. Barber and colleagues Jerome Bettis and Chris Collinsworth rehashed a bet from last year: Who could toss a football into the balcony of Radio City Music Hall?
the sports section
The Manning Connection: Giants in 2017!
After returning the opening kickoff of Super Bowl XLI for a touchdown last night, the Bears were on pace to score 1,800 — that’s MDCCC — points. This would almost certainly have been some kind of record. Unfortunately they weren’t able to sustain it, and — after the teams engaged in a fun impromptu fumbling contest — the game quickly settled into traditional S.B. fare: slow-ish, mediocre, almost enough to make you lose your Taco Bell Carne Asada Steak Grilled Taquitos. During the annual Janet Jackson “Scandalize the Heartland” Halftime Challenge, a giant shadow of Prince fingered his phallic guitar while the NFL embarked on its most ambitious attempt yet to answer the age-old question: How many fireworks do you have to shoot off before anyone starts to care that you’re shooting off fireworks? (Answer: Way more than they were shooting.) In the end, the Colts walked away with a handy XXIX-XVII victory. But the real storyline, and the one that most conveniently lends itself to our frankly rampant Giants-centrism, was quarterback Peyton Manning’s long-delayed holy ascension into eternal glory.
it just happened
Coughlin to Stay With GiantsGiants head coach Tom Coughlin will return to the Big Blue sidelines next season, the team announced today, despite speculation that Sunday’s playoff loss to Philadelphia would be his last game. If you’re keeping score, this marks the second time in recent months a local team has been forced to publicly declare that it wouldn’t be firing its coach. (You may remember similar drama in October with Joe Torre.) So will the next head coach to be retained against the odds please step forward? Not so fast, Isiah. —Joe DeLessio
Coughlin Gets One-Year Extension From Giants [ESPN]
in other news
Wild Cards
Both New York football teams courteously did the right thing yesterday — for themselves, the city, the game of football, the moral order of the universe, and children around the world — and promptly got themselves knocked out of the playoffs. Neither game was particularly dramatic (surely anyone who suffered through the Eagles’ last-second victory over the Giants will agree that it was the least-exciting last-second victory of all time). But both were loaded with fascinating soap-opera subplots, and the teams lost in very different ways and taught us opposite lessons.