There are a lot of pressing national issues President Trump has yet to address, but he has weighed in on the slightly less urgent matter of paper straws. On Monday evening, Trump directed the federal government to stop buying paper straws and providing them in federal buildings. While theatrically signing the executive order before the press, Trump explained why this is such a high priority for his administration, citing his own straw struggles.
“These things don’t work,” he said. “I’ve had them many times, and on occasion they break, they explode; if something’s hot, they don’t last very long, like a matter of minutes, sometimes a matter of seconds. It’s a ridiculous situation.”
Sure, right or left, most of us can agree that paper straws are pretty irritating (even if they don’t actually “explode”). But a lot of things stink in this country, yet we’re still expected to change our clocks for daylight saving time and fight Ticketmaster so we can see Beyoncé. So why straws? Why now?
The conventional wisdom is that Trump just wanted to undo a Biden policy that had become symbolic of “woke” overreach, as the Associated Press explains:
The move by Trump — who has long railed against paper straws, and whose 2019 reelection campaign sold Trump-branded reusable plastic straws for $15 per pack of 10 — targets a Biden administration policy to phase out federal purchases of single-use plastics, including straws, from food service operations, events and packaging by 2027, and from all federal operations by 2035.
But an offhand remark Trump made after signing the EO might have inadvertently revealed his true motivation: “I don’t think that plastic’s going to affect a shark very much as they’re munching their way through the ocean.”
The viral video that set off the anti-plastic-straw movement several years ago focused on a turtle. So why did Trump mention sharks specifically and not other marine life? Probably because he has a long-standing vendetta against sharks. In fact, this may be the only positive thing he has ever said about them.
Trump publicly declared his hatred of sharks way back in 2013. During his 2024 campaign, explaining why he would rather die by electrocution than by shark became one of his signature rally rants.
Stormy Daniels memorably claimed that during a 2007 encounter with Trump, they watched the Discovery Channel’s “Shark Week” and explored the future president’s shark phobia. She told In Touch:
“He is obsessed with sharks. Terrified of sharks. He was like, ‘I donate to all these charities and I would never donate to any charity that helps sharks. I hope all the sharks die.’ He was like riveted. He was like obsessed. It’s so strange, I know.”
There’s a lot of debate about whether switching from plastic to paper straws actually makes a significant environmental impact. I’ll admit I’m no fan of paper straws myself, but it does seem that single-use plastic is generally bad for marine life. And perhaps we shouldn’t trust the guy who announced, “I hope all the sharks die,” when he claims they’ll be just fine.
More Tremendous Content
- Trump Mocks Taylor Swift for Super Bowl Boos, Can’t Help But Lie
- Trump Keeps Giving Mahomes Weird and Desperate Compliments
- Watch Trump Pretend He’s Not Obsessed With Time Magazine
