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Why They Hate Us

  1. why they hate us
    Why They Hate Us, Part XXVISomeone bought a twenty-year-old tub of “McJordan BBQ Sauce” for $10,000. 
    By Dan Amira
  2. terrorists of the sky
    New York City Buildings Doing Their Part to Combat the Avian MenaceBut have they gone too far?
    By Caroline Bankoff
  3. terrorists of the sky
    The Flewgitive Returns to CaptivityOur minutes of terror are finally over.
    By Chris Rovzar
  4. terrorists of the sky
    Loose Peacock Terrorizes Upper East SideThe Flewgitive!
    By Chris Rovzar
  5. why they hate us
    Terrifying Turtle Stampede Delays Flights at JFKThis again?
    By Chris Rovzar
  6. terrorists of the sky
    One Day, These Will Grow Up to Try to Eat the Yorkie Right Out of Your HandbagThe MTA released another round of photos of baby falcons on our bridges.
    By Chris Rovzar
  7. why they hate us
    Commuter Plane Kills One Bird in Apparent AltercationThe battle continues.
    By Mike Vilensky
  8. your move robots
    Warning: After Reading This, You Will Want Ken Jennings to Be Your New Best NerdProbably.
    By Nitasha Tiku
  9. why they hate us
    Seven Mile Kill Zones Unlikely to Stop Wanton Goose TerrorismOne step closer to the dream of a goose-less city.
    By Nitasha Tiku
  10. why they hate us
    Protesters Object to Mayor Bloomberg, Perpetrator of the Goose GenocideAnd they do it outside his house!
    By Nitasha Tiku
  11. why they hate us
    Mayor Bloomberg on Geese: It’s Us Versus ThemThe mayor is drawing a line in the sand here: Sticky’s on one side, the human race is on the other.
    By Mike Vilensky
  12. why they hate us
    Government’s Goose Genocide Just Getting StartedUm, that’ll show ‘em — but it’s sick.
    By Mike Vilensky
  13. why they hate us
    Well, There Goes Sticky.Four hundred geese were rounded up and gassed last week in Prospect Park.
    By Chris Rovzar
  14. why they hate us
    Without Human Intervention, Sticky Removes Arrow From Own NeckDon’t question how he did it.
    By Chris Rovzar
  15. neighborhood news
    Sticky, the Prospect Park Goose, Soon Won’t Be Able to EscapeThe city will wait until he molts, at which point they will try to remove the arrow from his neck. So they say.
    By Chris Rovzar
  16. neighborhood news
    Prospect Park Goose Maybe Just a Total BadassGoose is way less bothered about the arrow in his neck than humans who are chasing him.
    By Jessica Pressler
  17. why they hate us
    Somebody Shot a Goose Through the Neck in Prospect ParkSo far, he’s fine.
    By Chris Rovzar
  18. raptors
    Killer Bird in a BasketLook at this adorable, fluffy, RAPTOR.
    By Jessica Pressler
  19. why they hate us
    Pigeon-Kidnapping Spree Hits New YorkSomeone noticed that the birds have been going missing.
    By Chris Rovzar
  20. why they hate us
    Humans Winning War on Geese!For NOW.
    By Chris Rovzar
  21. why they hate us
    Flock of Geese Tried to Take Down Newark Flight to ChinaLuckily, there were reporters aboard.
    By Chris Rovzar
  22. ‘Mad Emu’ Attacks Texas PolicemenHave you ever seen an angry emu? It is not a pretty sight.
    By Jessica Pressler
  23. why they hate us
    Bronx Man Looking for Home for Feral ChickensDo not let them into your home!
    By Chris Rovzar
  24. why they hate us
    Wild Chickens Take Over Bronx HighwayThat’s right, wild chickens. And they roost in TREES.
    By Chris Rovzar
  25. miracle on the hudson
    Plane Flying Religious ‘Miracle on the Hudson’ Banner Crash-LandsThis was basically asking for it.
    By Chris Rovzar
  26. animanhattan
    A Moose Attacked a Woman on the Lower East SideThat’s how we would tell the story, at least.
    By Chris Rovzar
  27. animies
    Connecticut Won’t Press Charges Against Chimp OwnerSandra Herold, the Connecticut woman whose pet chimpanzee, Travis, attacked her friend, is off the hook in at least one respect.
    By Jessica Pressler
  28. the avian menace
    Why Is This Goose Missing Most of Its Beak?Flock justice, we imagine.
    By Jessica Pressler
  29. animanhattan
    A Beaver Peed in This Lady’s EyeOn national television.
    By Chris Rovzar
  30. choices we’ll never actually have to make
    On the Matter of the Micro-PigletsThey just might make the perfect pet. Or will they turn on you? They’re so cute; we’re so torn.
    By Jessica Coen
  31. monkeys are just like us only hairier and more ruthless
    Never Let a Monkey See You SweatHow not to be terrorized by monkeys, should you come into contact with them.
    By Jessica Pressler
  32. the third terminator
    Mayor Bloomberg Attacked by Birds!Revenge for Goosenacht?
    By Jessica Pressler
  33. Mutant Rabbits, Assorted Other Fantastical Creatures Living Near JFK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    By Jessica Pressler
  34. why they hate us
    Central Park Accident Proves Trees Are Out to Get UsOne of New York’s brightest is in critical condition because he was attacked by some local flora.
    By Chris Rovzar
  35. why they hate us
    Monster Shark Tries to Attack Long Island, FailsA 24-foot-long sea beast beached itself on a Long Island shore earlier today. Humans were only mildly thwacked.
    By Chris Rovzar
  36. why they hate us
    Even Turtles Have Turned Against Us!Mourning the loss of thousands of Canadian geese, a pack of wild turtles occupied a runway at JFK today. (No, seriously.)
    By Chris Rovzar
  37. why they hate us
    Birds Counterattack After City-Sponsored SlaughterIt’s just like Obama says — if you punish suspects without a fair trial, you’re just going to breed more terrorism.
    By Chris Rovzar
  38. terrorists of the sky
    Rounding Up of Flightless Accused Goose Terrorists BeginsDid we learn nothing from Guantánamo?
    By Chris Rovzar
  39. evildoers
    Bloomberg: Geese Not Dead, Only SleepingAnd they have nice dreams!
    By Jessica Pressler
  40. why they hate us
    City Planning Massive Goose GenocideThis was not what we meant when we urged the government to take action.
    By Jessica Pressler
  41. nature’s terrorists
    Goose Attack on Flight 1549 Was ‘Warning Shot,’ Says Expert“Eventually, something is going to happen.”
    By Jessica Pressler
  42. why they hate us
    Chimps Living as Humans Are Actually an American TraditionThe ‘Times’ tells us a sweet story about a man reconnecting with a childhood pet-sister.
    By Chris Rovzar
  43. animanhattan
    Wild, Southern Animal Invades Bronx HomeThis is definitely not a good sign.
    By Chris Rovzar
  44. why they hate us
    Toilets of TerrorAn incident at Citi Field sheds light on the commode’s dark history.
    By Jessica Pressler
  45. miracle on the hudson
    Eerie New Photos From the ‘Miracle on the Hudson’Removal of the wreckage provides a sobering reminder of just how dangerous birds can be.
    By Jessica Coen
  46. the war against nature
    Birds Set Beady Eyes on Electrical System, Plunging Parts of City Into Darkness, ChaosAn explosive piece in today’s New York ‘Times’ reminds us of the true threat facing America.
    By Jessica Pressler
  47. nature’s terrorists
    The Birds Have Mastered TechnologyThis is bad. Very bad.
    By Jessica Pressler
  48. terrorists of the sky
    Finally, We Are Winning the War on TerrorAccording to a report released today, nearly a third of U.S birds are endangered, threatened, or in “significant decline.”
    By Jessica Pressler
  49. why they hate us
    Chimps Stockpiling Weapons, Planning AttacksChilling news: Chimps are planning attacks in advance.
    By Jessica Pressler
  50. why they hate us
    Birds Launched Multipronged Holiday AttacksThey’re getting desperate!
    By Chris Rovzar
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